Wk17: Bears Finish Weak Season Strong, Like Bull

If any of you are still reading, I’m grateful the season is finally over.  But I’m even more grateful that we ran the table in our final two games, the games Lovie Smith called the first two of 2008.  And not only did we win, but we kicked ass and took names – old school – to go out with some New Year’s fireworks. 

Lance Briggs – Supa Bowl Shuffle

It’s your free agent, linebacker Lance Briggs,
And I dig for gold, like no one else digs. 

Wk16: Favre Passes QB Torch to Kyle “Beard-Sportin” Orton

The king is dead.  Long live the king!

Bret Fahrerverveh passed his legendary QB torch Sunday, and stepped down from the game of football out of shame for being out-played by a QB punk, Kyle “Backin’ Up and Supportin” Orton, who likes his liquor and hates his razor.  And much like relinquishing his throne to his son, if only he were drafted by the Bears and determined to a fault to grow a beard, Kyle “Whiskey Snortin” Orton accepted it along with the trophy for winning the Wisconsin State Football Championship in Sunday’s dominance of the Green Bay Fudge Packers.  And like a courtship with the toilet after a painkiller binge that left you constipated, this meaningless game brought some much needed relief to the Super Fan nation. 

Kyle Orton – Supa Bowl Shuffle

The bottom of the barrel, it’s Kyle Orton,
I’m about as bad, as the beard I’m sportin’. 

Wk15: Bears Lose – Whatever…

Much like watching a critically wounded bear in the wilderness of Minnesota snuff and puff, and pant and twist, and writhe in pain as the life slowly and methodically trickles out of it with each drop of blood, each breath becoming more difficult than the last, it’s soft, half-hearted moans hidden by the winter’s rustling leaves beneath, as it stumbles from tree to tree, down to its knees, until it eventually comes crashing down with an ungraceful thud that rocks the ground for acres, our season finally – FINALLY – died last night.  And I, for one, don’t give a rat’s ass. 

Wk14: Whew, it’s Finally Over!

The Chicago Bears 2007 season was put out of its misery tonight.  They are survived by a nation of broken hearted Super Fans who will mourn for months.  Please remember first and foremost that grieving is a process.  If you are feeling desperate or suicidal, seek help (suicidepreventionlifeline.org). 

Wk13: Bears Fall Victim to Own “Come Back After Being Outplayed” Game

The mother #$%@ing Giants took one out of our own #$%@ing playbook with a “get out-played for 50-some minutes and then pull a #$%@ing horseshoe out of your @%$ in the final #$%@ing minutes” come-from-behind win.  As is typical this season, the Bears never fail to fail. 

Wk12: Bears 23, Hester 14 – Denver 34, OT

Special Teams isn’t necessarily the way you want to win, but it still counts.  And the Bear’s Special Teams brings a whole new meaning to the word “special.”   

Bernard Berrian – Supa Bowl Shuffle

It’s speedy Bernard, I’m called “B-Twice,”
Run routes with precision, but my hands aren’t as precise. 

Wk11: Bears Finish 1 – 2 on West Coast

Things are not good for the Chicago Bears.  And that means things are not good at Bear Down 2007 HQ. 

Robbie Gould – Supa Bowl Shuffle

More than just a Kicker, it’s Robbie Gould,
I’ll knock you out or put you, in a submission hold.

WK10: Good Rex Shows Up, Brings Good News Bears

A crappy win against a crappy team by a crappy team – now that’s a lot of crap.  But I’ll take it. 

Adewale Ogunleye – Supa Bowl Shuffle

It’s Adewale Ogunleye, even hard to say for me,
First name sounds like “odd wallet,” minus the T. 

Wk9: Bye Week – Thank God for Bye Weeks!

It’s been a miserable week.  The last thing I needed was another Bear loss. 

Chorus – Supa Bowl Shuffle

We are the Bears, Sucking Crew,
Sucking like it’s what, we’re trying to do.