Wk17: Bears Finish Weak Season Strong, Like Bull

If any of you are still reading, I’m grateful the season is finally over.  But I’m even more grateful that we ran the table in our final two games, the games Lovie Smith called the first two of 2008.  And not only did we win, but we kicked ass and took names – old school – to go out with some New Year’s fireworks. 

Wk16: Favre Passes QB Torch to Kyle “Beard-Sportin” Orton

The king is dead.  Long live the king!

Bret Fahrerverveh passed his legendary QB torch Sunday, and stepped down from the game of football out of shame for being out-played by a QB punk, Kyle “Backin’ Up and Supportin” Orton, who likes his liquor and hates his razor.  And much like relinquishing his throne to his son, if only he were drafted by the Bears and determined to a fault to grow a beard, Kyle “Whiskey Snortin” Orton accepted it along with the trophy for winning the Wisconsin State Football Championship in Sunday’s dominance of the Green Bay Fudge Packers.  And like a courtship with the toilet after a painkiller binge that left you constipated, this meaningless game brought some much needed relief to the Super Fan nation. 

Wk15: Bears Lose – Whatever…

Much like watching a critically wounded bear in the wilderness of Minnesota snuff and puff, and pant and twist, and writhe in pain as the life slowly and methodically trickles out of it with each drop of blood, each breath becoming more difficult than the last, it’s soft, half-hearted moans hidden by the winter’s rustling leaves beneath, as it stumbles from tree to tree, down to its knees, until it eventually comes crashing down with an ungraceful thud that rocks the ground for acres, our season finally – FINALLY – died last night.  And I, for one, don’t give a rat’s ass. 

Wk14: Whew, it’s Finally Over!

The Chicago Bears 2007 season was put out of its misery tonight.  They are survived by a nation of broken hearted Super Fans who will mourn for months.  Please remember first and foremost that grieving is a process.  If you are feeling desperate or suicidal, seek help (suicidepreventionlifeline.org). 

Wk13: Bears Fall Victim to Own “Come Back After Being Outplayed” Game

The mother #$%@ing Giants took one out of our own #$%@ing playbook with a “get out-played for 50-some minutes and then pull a #$%@ing horseshoe out of your @%$ in the final #$%@ing minutes” come-from-behind win.  As is typical this season, the Bears never fail to fail. 

Wk12: Bears 23, Hester 14 – Denver 34, OT

Special Teams isn’t necessarily the way you want to win, but it still counts.  And the Bear’s Special Teams brings a whole new meaning to the word “special.”   

Wk11: Bears Finish 1 – 2 on West Coast

Things are not good for the Chicago Bears.  And that means things are not good at Bear Down 2007 HQ. 

WK10: Good Rex Shows Up, Brings Good News Bears

A crappy win against a crappy team by a crappy team – now that’s a lot of crap.  But I’ll take it. 

Wk9: Bye Week – Thank God for Bye Weeks!

It’s been a miserable week.  The last thing I needed was another Bear loss. 

Wk8: Is the Season Over? “Not Sure.”

Apparently somebody hasn’t been playing nice with others. 

Wk7: Not Ready For Hibernation Just Yet

Keep hope alive, keep hope alive! 

Wk6: Devin Hester Hosts Adrian Peterson Day

Adrian Peterson Day at Soldierz Field came unexpectedly, especially because it was a visiting player named Adrian Peterson, not the one wearing a Bears jersey. 

Wk5: We Have Ourselves a Season

Ladies and gentlemen, we are officially back in business! 

Wk4: It Could Be a Looong Season…

With our season on the brink of disaster in week 4, Sunday’s game was a must win situation.  And we failed. 

Wk3: It’s Not Good, But It’s Not Rex

 

The Cowboys are who we thought they were!  And we let ‘em off the hook!